Worth.

I have a lot that scares me… there’s just so much I’ve done that I do not know how to call myself worthy of you. Worth… how would one describe it though? What do I even mean when I say i do not know if I’m worthy of you.

Well in my eyes I’d be worthy of you if I didn’t have the fear of you ending up regretting this decision, this relation. This bond that hasn’t even been made yet what if I’m someone who brings it to end already?

I’ve heard and been told that every person finds a partner that they either longed for or simply someone just like them. Which basically means that you were chosen to be mine because of who and what I am and I was chosen to be yours because of who and what you are. If what this means is true, then are you someone who will accept me? Will you accept me knowing my past? Will you be someone who will find me worthy even after figuring out all my flaws and demons… because I sure do have a lot of them.

So much I wanted to say and tell and clear out to be rid of this anxious feeling yet at the stage I’m in I can’t.

Is it weird that I’m not afraid of your demons though? Is it preposterous of me to think and believe that you are far by the perfect person I could’ve gotten? Is it too much of me to believe that I might not be worthy of you but I know that you are worthy of me and maybe someone even better.

At the end of the day it seems as if I won’t be able to figure anything out till the day we live under the same roof. I might have to bury all my tears and memories and wishes that I had.. that I wanted to share.. that I wanted someone who could hold me as they heard all I had to say…. Bury all that in a concreted grave.. sealed with the strongest seal which won’t ever be revealed.. but for what it’s worth… it’ll be worth having you by my side. I hope I am all that you’ve ever needed, wanted, hoped for because all I wanted when I said yes to you.. was a way out of my current life and somehow you’ve given me that already.

To you who I will be spending my life with. I hope you find me fit and to me who needed you… well I just hope we’re both as perfect for each other as it seems.